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How To Find A Husband (Part II)

So I just got off the phone with one of my favourite aunts, the aunt from the first post on finding a husband.. When I saw her number flash across my screen, I was so happy. You see, I speak to a lot of people back home, but they are mostly people from my generation who use social media quite a lot.

“Aunty!!!” I screeched happily into the phone
“Nne kedu?” She responded.

Then she spoke very quickly, her words tumbling over one another in her rush to say her bit and get off the phone seeing as it was an international call and all.

“Are you keeping your eyes open? Nkiru’s mother told me that many Igbo men live there.” She said

I was a little disappointed because I had hoped to have a conversation with her and catch up on the gossip back home. When I did not respond, she continued. Here is a list of what keeping my eyes open means, in her own words;

Making the meat: My job at the forum
Making the meat: My job at the forum

1. Find out about the Igbo forum and join it, you will find all the Igbo men there.

2. Try to attend their ceremonies, and make sure you help out, people always need help with frying the chicken and even serving.

3. Put on nice wigs and cover those your dreadlocks. Do you not see how other girls have nice weave-on.

4. Ehen when you join those forums, don’t be going to sit with the men to discuss politics in Nigeria, face your work.

5. It shouldn’t be too difficult to find a suitor there, because those Igbo men are always coming home to marry good girls, show them that you are a good girl who has just arrived and is not yet corrupt by that place.

6. When anybody asks you, tell them your father sent you to do masters. That way they will not run away and think you will be stubborn.

7. Reduce your age by 4 years.

8. Everyday read Isaiah 62, the whole chapter, everyday. Go to only the churches that our people attend.

9. When you are going for those Igbo meetings, make sure you go alone, and befriend the married women, if they like you, they will introduce you to their husband’s single friends. You don’t have any business with the single ladies.

10. Don’t be doing too much sports, our men don’t like women with strong body o.

Making the salad: A "face your work" option
Making the salad: A “face your work” option

There you have it. I don’t think she wrote it down, but somehow she managed to get it all out quite clearly under 3 minutes. I think number 4 is my favourite! Face your work literally means face your work; keep frying those chickens and serving the men. I also like the “reduce your age” bit, and I wondered how someone could ask you to lie in one breathe and bug God in the next. I could have called her back but as I did not have any calling card, I thought I would blog about it. So people, do you think I should face my work and not discuss politics anymore? Feel free to add on to my aunt’s list. I am sure this is not the end of this post. I shall do an update once I speak to her again 🙂