How To Find Love Online

Love and relationships are two things which go hand in hand and which most people certainly aspire to. The truth is that there are many people in the world who enjoy being by themselves, or prefer casual relationships. However, a great many of us want and desire that warm and fuzzy feeling and connection, as well as the companionship which ultimately comes with a relationship that works. It used to be the case that many relationships were expected to have developed through family and/or friends’ networks and introductions, at work, at random social interactions, perhaps in church and community spaces. But as the world changes and evolves, these traditional routes are becoming less and less common especially with the increasingly popular and ever expanding existence of social media and technology.

In more traditional and dare I say overly-religious societies where people view social media with suspicion, finding love online is still a taboo. It is happening everyday, but people choose to keep this quiet. I think meeting one’s significant other online may be frowned upon depending on how and what platform on which the connection happens. For example, I have found that people are more inclined to disclose finding love on social media platforms such as instagram, facebook and twitter, more than they are willing to admit being on online dating sites. And yet, these online dating websites are increasingly popular and reporting consistent annual profits from doing business successfully, around the world.

The Knot surveyed 14,000 engaged couples, and 19% of those surveyed had met their to-be-spouses online surpassing the older methods for meeting and dating including through friends (17%), from University (15%) and through work (12%). In early 2017, the online dating industry reported an incredible $3 billion, from websites and online apps. Some of the success reported is as a result of the increasingly isolated lives which we lead, the increasing economic pressures which makes people move far from family to work, which makes people work late and have less time for socialising and also in some cases, the shrinking disposable income that allows for a lot of socialising. The use of technology also makes it easy to find love online because we are already on our phones and laptops one third of our wakeful hours.

So how can one find love online? Is it worth it? What platforms can one consider and what are the pros and cons of using the internet to find love?

  • It is important to understand oneself and exactly what you are searching for in a partner. Are you looking for a fling, are you looking for a lasting partnership, are you looking to date someone and hopefully get married.
  • If you are already using Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, I am advocate of “shooting your shot” when the opportunities present themselves. There are many success stories of people “sliding into DMs” of people whom they found interesting and the rest they say is history.
  • Choose an online dating site that charges a minimal fee (or a maximum one if you can afford it). The idea is that a paying subscription based website weeds out the bad eggs and the people who are on these websites just for a laugh.
  • Do a bit of research, check for authenticity of the online dating sites, including how much traffic it receives from your location (some dating sites are more popular in some countries more than others. You want to make sure that you choose a website that is actually popular in your country/region).
  • Consider choosing an online dating website that either allows you to search for and select potential dates that you fancy, from your region/in close proximity, or an online dating site that uses some kind of psychometric patterns to match you.
  • Give yourself a timeline for meeting someone and stay open.
  • Set ground rules for yourself which will guide you as you navigate these “territories”
  • For the first three dates, it may be wise to plan dates that take place public spaces to keep yourself safe and in view of other people. Do not go in a stranger’s car.
  • Slow down on the alcohol at those first few dates, so that your inhibition is not lowered and you can react should you smell trouble.
  • After multiple dates, if you feel safe enough with your date to want to take it further, consider using protection.
  • If you can afford it, spread your bets and set up accounts on at least two online dating websites with different “love models” and metrics.

There are certain pros and cons which I consider worth looking into before one embarks upon this “venture” called online dating. The main pro I think is that once people decide to give online dating a try, chances are that they are indeed ready for something worthwhile and will give it an honest trial in a bid to successfully meet a significant other. That’s a good thing. One big con is that unfortunately, there are many “loafers” on online dating sites who are there to take advantage of people who wear their hearts on their sleeves there and are very much on it for the wrong reasons. No surprise that there has been a rise on the spread of STDs through online encounters. But this is why everyone who is genuinely on it for the right reason must have some ground rules and set boundaries to guide your interaction.

Finally, The Knot reports that people who meet online are more likely to commit to each other quickly through engagements, civil ceremonies or weddings, more so that couples who meet each other through the traditional means. Thus if you are prepared to take that plunge and meet your significant other for a happily ever after, this is your shot. Godspeed as you travel on your journey.

Anniversary And So On

1. Do you ever think of moving elsewhere for a period of one year or two years? If yes, where would it be, if no why?
2. If you had a lot of money so much so that you could do anything at all that you wanted for a living, what would you do?
3. What’s your happy place/happy activity?
4. Do you think there is something bigger than yourself? Something or someone to which you would defer happily?
5. What would you do if there was no internet, even if it was just in a rural place for one week?

It is now one year since I began writing this blog. One hundred and five followers and forty posts later, I am thankful for the decision to begin writing it. I am also thankful to the blog companions whom I have run into along the way. It has been a really interesting journey so far, and I am looking forward to discovering some more blogs and readers along the way.

source:themecakes.com
source:themecakes.com

Today I was reading Moi’s blog and in the final paragraph of his post called drag, he asked for his readers to ask him a question or a number of questions. I did ask him a number of questions which I thought would be really interesting to answer here myself.

I am one of those people who have their lives dreamt out and know exactly where it is going. Don’t get me wrong, I have room for flexibility, as long as it does not change the grand scheme of things. So anyone who knows me will also understand why I resigned from my job on my birthday. I am taking a trip for a year+. I am moving to good old wet England for 14 months to study for a proper Msc to open up more opportunities for work in International Development. I chose a University in Luton, mostly because it was not priced at an arm and a leg and the faculty’s approach to Project Management is very innovative. However, lately as I have tried to research the city a bit more, all I read and hear is that it is the chav capital of the UK. A bit too late for that now, seeing as I have paid all the fees and bought the flights. If it is as rife with racial and ethnic conflicts as all the websites say it is, then it will certainly not be too different from some parts here ha! That’s for another post. So yes, moving around from place to place is something I see definitely in the course of my stay on planet earth. Right now, there are a few countries calling out to me; Ethiopia, the mountains and the culture are so rich, I want to live that a little. Tanzania is a beautiful place, I would like to live in Dar and perhaps climb the Kilimanjero at some point. South Asia fascinates me, I would like to experience Nepal and India, and not just to visit and go home like a tourist. I would like to walk some of Spain; the El Camino De Santiago is definitely on my bucket list. However, I am miserable in the cold and do not know how I could survive the cold for more than two weeks at a time.

source:elcaminodesantiago.co.uk
source:elcaminodesantiago.co.uk

If I had a lot of money so much so that I do not need to work anymore, I would set up an education trust which will give scholarships for a really good education to girls and boys from disadvantaged backgrounds to open up opportunities to them for growth and options. Then I would invest in performance arts and create a hub for artists in Abuja. I love cozy cafes that make you feel warm inside. So I would set up one to start with; Ethiopian coffee and moist cakes, wifi, wine, spoken word nights, chalkboards, clean lines, minimalist interiors, comfortable cushions, colourful rugs made from rags for sitting on the floors, wooden steps, a nice vibe. I could live there!!! I could spend all day there editing my photos, writing short stories and shocking theatre pieces.

That’s really my happy place up there. I love to sit in a cafe and just chill and write. I also like to sit at home on the weekends in something comfortable, reading a book and having a glass of wine. I love the smell of dust on a harmattan morning, I love that first smell of earth after the first rainfall post- dry season. I love to cuddle with that special someone while we just listen to music or to the sound of our heartbeats.

I believe there is something much bigger than myself. I believe that there is a creator of what we know as the universe. I do believe in God, I also believe in the energies he put in his universe and in our minds and bodies. We become what we strive to be, because we have conceived it and have put in the miles for it.

In the course of my work, I have had to travel to rural areas where internet was non-existent or extremely epileptic. In those places, I simply read books that I had taken along, written in my little notebook; diagrams, sketches, lines, poetry, plans, vision boards, then read some more. I also picked up yoga along the way. A portable radio is also very helpful and can keep me company for days. But it gets frustrating if I am unable to check my emails after two weeks. When I spent one full year in Gumel, there was no internet, indeed there was no mobile network connection for the first 6 months I spent there teaching English at a rural school. The spirit of community I felt there in those months was incredible and I have felt nothing remotely close ever since. I did escape to Kano every now and then for a proper salon, a nice restaurant and my emails. Whereas the internet has its merits; it turns the world into a global village and opens it up in such a manner that boggles the mind, it also changes families and sometimes the human interactions which should matter no longer exist.

Do you think you could live anywhere else but your home country? Could you live without internet? What is your happy place? Please share your thoughts with me.