How To Find A Husband (Part II)

So I just got off the phone with one of my favourite aunts, the aunt from the first post on finding a husband.. When I saw her number flash across my screen, I was so happy. You see, I speak to a lot of people back home, but they are mostly people from my generation who use social media quite a lot.

“Aunty!!!” I screeched happily into the phone
“Nne kedu?” She responded.

Then she spoke very quickly, her words tumbling over one another in her rush to say her bit and get off the phone seeing as it was an international call and all.

“Are you keeping your eyes open? Nkiru’s mother told me that many Igbo men live there.” She said

I was a little disappointed because I had hoped to have a conversation with her and catch up on the gossip back home. When I did not respond, she continued. Here is a list of what keeping my eyes open means, in her own words;

Making the meat: My job at the forum
Making the meat: My job at the forum

1. Find out about the Igbo forum and join it, you will find all the Igbo men there.

2. Try to attend their ceremonies, and make sure you help out, people always need help with frying the chicken and even serving.

3. Put on nice wigs and cover those your dreadlocks. Do you not see how other girls have nice weave-on.

4. Ehen when you join those forums, don’t be going to sit with the men to discuss politics in Nigeria, face your work.

5. It shouldn’t be too difficult to find a suitor there, because those Igbo men are always coming home to marry good girls, show them that you are a good girl who has just arrived and is not yet corrupt by that place.

6. When anybody asks you, tell them your father sent you to do masters. That way they will not run away and think you will be stubborn.

7. Reduce your age by 4 years.

8. Everyday read Isaiah 62, the whole chapter, everyday. Go to only the churches that our people attend.

9. When you are going for those Igbo meetings, make sure you go alone, and befriend the married women, if they like you, they will introduce you to their husband’s single friends. You don’t have any business with the single ladies.

10. Don’t be doing too much sports, our men don’t like women with strong body o.

Making the salad: A "face your work" option
Making the salad: A “face your work” option

There you have it. I don’t think she wrote it down, but somehow she managed to get it all out quite clearly under 3 minutes. I think number 4 is my favourite! Face your work literally means face your work; keep frying those chickens and serving the men. I also like the “reduce your age” bit, and I wondered how someone could ask you to lie in one breathe and bug God in the next. I could have called her back but as I did not have any calling card, I thought I would blog about it. So people, do you think I should face my work and not discuss politics anymore? Feel free to add on to my aunt’s list. I am sure this is not the end of this post. I shall do an update once I speak to her again 🙂

27 thoughts on “How To Find A Husband (Part II)”

  1. Oh, my, that’s quite a list! Sounds like your aunt would make a wonderful and colorful character in a book. Make sure you hold onto that list. You might be able to use it in your fiction one day!

    1. Indeed she is. I know it all comes from a place of love, so I take it all with a pinch of salt. I think she will make quite the character in any book. I shall keep that in mind 🙂

  2. Chichi- your aunt is a character—-lol
    You have to show ur a good girl oo to grab yourself Igbo husband -lol and what hav I been telling you about your dada hair- Kuku start putting Brazilian weavon.. And always smile and put on your magic lipstick – it will work wonders when they see you for the forums……..all the best chichi with finding a husband

  3. Chichi your aunt is a character…….lol
    Lemme give you pointers too……….
    You should use your magic lipstick when ur going for the meetings – it should work wonders in grabbing urself husband……. And what have I been telling you about your dada hair- Kuku put on Brazilian weavon….. And you should act as a good girl who knows how to face her work cos Igbo men like good girls…….. All the best chichi with finding a husband… Lol

  4. What the what??? i had to pick my jaw from the floor. your aunt is a trip. So essentially to find a husband you have to be a completely different person. And when u finally get that husband what happens when you finally decide to show your true personality? Jeez that is such an unfair treatment towards us ladies nd guys too (insinuating they are just too dumb or shallow to accept a lady for who she is). So guys are allowed be themselves but women should adopt new personalities to find a husband. Ooooo I don hear that one.

  5. Wow! This just made my day. I can’t stop laughing. She was very honest about it though and made her motive very clear. Seems ur blog will make a good place to go @ my quiet times from now on.

  6. Ah Chi, this husband talk is still following you to obodo oyinbo. Let me follow your aunt’s cue and add one more to the list. You can as well look out for the Igbo guys in your class and ensure that you help them do their assignments as invite them for lunch in your place on Sundays to eat akpu. Ha ha

  7. chiamy face your work!!!!! ha ha ha . she is a very funny woman. but come to think of it. FACE UR WORK lol. 😉

  8. …and hide(cover) those dada (dreadlocks) with nice wigs! wigs? … and hide your muscles…they dont like women with strong body! haaa na waaoh. These rules are steep oooh! but dont worry i can help out… I have a clipper and a scissors for the dada…

  9. ooh dear this is hilarious but come to think of it married women can give loads of advice hanging around them teaches you a lot but i do believe men love women who know the current issues in regards to the economy and politics the everyday happenings and so forth could be a conversation starter n one thing could lead to another….i love your blog girl ….rock on 🙂

    1. Thank you for reading Joyce. I honestly believe that nothing beats the knowledge gathered from experience. Married women know a lot! But at the end of the day, we all have to find our destiny and I don’t think my all of aunt’s rules are a serious part of it 🙂

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